The matatu madness

Talk of the craziest industry in Kenya, the Matatu industry. The industry that is growing by day giving our Nairobi roads an ugly look especially during rush hours. With the increasing number of matatus, traffic jam has become a threat to the road users in Nairobi. Apart from the rudeness associated with the conductors and the recklessness of the drivers that has continued claiming the lives of our beloved ones and leaving others with life changing injuries, there is more to it that I would like to share.
 

The fourteen seater Nissan matatus have now been categorized into two distinct categories; the new ones that are in good shape have been baptized “Magari ya waya.” When one boards a matatu that has been referred to as gari ya waya no doubt s/he will have to part with twenty to thirty shillings above the normal rate charged by other category of matatus. In this category, matatus will play very loud music with speakers fitted almost everywhere in the car. You dare complain of loud music, the volume is even amplified.
The speed at which these matatus are driven will leave you wondering weather they are transporting oxygen to an almost dying patient.
 

The second category of matatus, which they refer to as “Gari zimechoka” are left for those who are not in a hurry, those who love life, the old, and those who like making endless phone calls since in the other category making or receiving a call is prohibited, they only allow short messages. There is no overlapping for these matatus and the passengers are sure of reaching their destinations safely.
 

Kenyans will always be Kenyans, always in a hurry to go anywhere, even to the grave. You are at a matatu terminus, a conductor shouts”gari ya waya mia bei” (A new car, one hundred shillings) and all you see is people fighting at the door to get in. another matatu heading to the same destination is charging seventy shillings and there are only three passengers inside, just because it is old, has no music and will follow all the traffic rules.

You see how much we hate keeping the law? Look, we pay to listen to noise when we all have radios and television sets at our homes where we can go and listen to smooth music instead of listening to that seekening noise they call music. Truly some things we do defeats the purpose.
 

Anything that has negativity must have its positive side as well. Far from the loud music, the categories and the speed is another thriving piece of art, the stickers inside matatus, what a beautiful work art. We must appreciate this beautiful creativity. Anytime I board a matatu I find myself glued to the walls reading the stickers that have rib cracking messages. Here are some of the inscriptions on them:
 

“Mzee ni wewe” (You are the one who is old). Means if you see the matatu as old then you must be old yourself.

“Hatusemi wewe ni mnono lakini ukikalia viti mbili utalipia” (We are not saying that you are stout, but if you occupy two seats you will have to pay for them).

“Karao alipe gari” (Police officers should pay fare).

“Ungekua na haraka ungekuja jana” (If you were in a hurry, you could have travelled yesterday).

“Ungekua unataka upepo ungepanda bodaboda” (If you wanted fresh air, then you could have boarded a motorbike).

“Kupanda ni popote kushuka ni stage” (Boarding is anywhere, alighting is at the bus stop/stage).

“If the music is too loud, then you are too old.”

“If you miss the driver kiss the conductor.”

“If you kissed the conductor the driver is even sweeter.”

“If you are single and lonely, holla the conductor.”

“You hit me we hit you.”
 

These and many more are what give me joy whenever I board a matatu. We need to keep smilling, so Kenyans of good faith, keep them coming.

To all the drivers, passengers and pedestrians keep watch, we need you, and everyone needs you today, tomorrow and the day after. Let us keep safe on our roads and avoid premature deaths. Take control, you have a right to reach your destination safely.